due date

So today would have been my due date.............hard to believe that days ago Parker would have been 3 months.........Crazy not where I expected to be in my life.....So many people out there do not take care of their kids..........Yet I would have gave parker anything that I could........I would have done anything for that little boy......Life just isn't fair sometimes............:(

Aug...really not what i figured it would be............

At this point in my life..........i really would be thinking about making sure everyone is where its supposed to be  on pakers room or at any day i could of had baby parker............why do they tell you not to blame youself when its so hard not to.........then i just have to sit and say to myself i did nothing wrong!!! but its so hard being out and seeing people who can't take care of their kids but god is giving them more.....i just dont understand......................i did everything write i dont smoke, drink, or do drugs.........yet step back and look at all the people who can do all 3 of those and have kids..............not caring about what it could do to the baby...............they dont care............maybe i am just being really hateful but quite frankly.........it pisses me off.......parker will know that his mommy did and would have done everything right for him........

end of vacation...........

As our vaycay is over i must say not a minute went by that i didnt think of parker....but i knew he was here with me the whole time.......it just sucks........its hard to believe that you have been gone for 2 months and 2 days.............i love you more then anything parker and always will......i hope you enjoyed watching us from heaven